You may ask yourself, what is The Daily Bollocks? What the fuck are Bollocks? and, why does this douche nozzle use such strange language?
To assist me with a proper explanation:
"Bollocks" is a word of Anglo Saxon origin, meaning "testicles". The word is often used figuratively, as a noun to mean "nonsense" or conversely to mean "top quality" or "perfection", an expletive following a minor accident or misfortune, and an adjective to mean "poor quality" or "useless".
Basically, its the utter shite that constitutes a healthy percentage of my life that drives me to pick in up and fling it violently at whom ever I please. News, Politics, Sports, Sex, Rants and raves, all of it is open season as long as its fuckin' excellent.
So, eh where was I? Oh yes, perhapse a look at the news will set us straight:
Here's your headlines.
------News and Bollotics------
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Hillary Clinton became visibly emotional at a New Hampshire campaign event Monday after a friendly question from a voter.
At the close of a Portsmouth campaign stop, Marianne Pernold-Young, 64, asked Clinton: "How do you do it? How do you keep up ... and who does your hair?"
Clinton said she had help with her hair on "special days," and that she drew criticism on the days she did not.
Well, I do suppose Hillary has a tad bit of an issue with choking on things. Ask Bill. Or rather yet, ask her...
Honestly, I feel as if this old geezerette dropped the ball on this one. I would revel in the chance to pick her brain. There are a multitude of questions I'd ask...
Me: Ms. Clinton, I'd like to know if you and Mr. Clinton still sleep in the same bed.
Hillary: Sleep, I do not know of this program. I plug into the nearest surge protector and power down for the evening.
Me: Legend has it that Bill has fornicated with you at least once.
Hillary: Well, yeah I...
Me: Do does this fact make him a homosexual?
Hillary: Wha... I...
In all seriousness, I think she is losing the plot a bit here. She feels the heat knowing that she more competent
competition to contend with than the utter prat that got the n0mination last time. She knows that the Tart stands little chance getting in her way, and that for once the Democrats have put forth a man whose progressive spirit, guile, wit, charm and candor, have swept many off their feet. Hell, have you seen the Obama girl? That is utter quality. And the shite that RoboClinton is squaking about has got me saying BOLLOCKS to her sort.
competition to contend with than the utter prat that got the n0mination last time. She knows that the Tart stands little chance getting in her way, and that for once the Democrats have put forth a man whose progressive spirit, guile, wit, charm and candor, have swept many off their feet. Hell, have you seen the Obama girl? That is utter quality. And the shite that RoboClinton is squaking about has got me saying BOLLOCKS to her sort.
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Bill Clinton joked Sunday night he is unable to change some of wife Hillary's chief differences with rival Barack Obama, the latest comments from the former president to cause a stir on the campaign trail.
At a campaign event in New Hampshire, Clinton conceded he and his wife "can't be a new story," and went on to suggest he can't make his wife morph into the senator from Illinois.
"I can't make her younger, taller, male, there's a lot I can't do," Clinton said to laughs.
Unable Bill, surely. But you never said unwilling. My good lord look at him in that picture, he looks like the youth and viverence has just been sucked out of him *ahem bollock ahem*
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CNN) -- New Jersey officially said Monday that it has "profound regret" for practicing slavery, and became the first state north of the Mason-Dixon line to pass such apologetic legislation.
A committee of the New Jersey Assembly last Thursday approved the resolution, just one of several steps lawmakers had to take by Monday, the last day of the current legislative session.
The Assembly and the Senate voted overwhelmingly -- 29-2 -- to approve the resolution. The resolution states that "the fundamental values of Africans were shattered; they were brutalized, humiliated and dehumanized."
New Jersey, it reads, had 12,000 slaves, one of the largest populations in the northern colonies.
The state was also the last to emancipate slaves, in 1846, it says.
The state was also the last to emancipate slaves, in 1846, it says.
Hmm. Now of course I'm neither black nor enslaved. But I would figure that if the State of New Jersey had mass numbers of free labour all that time, and the state is as much a shite infested asshole as it is. I would very offended. It's bad enough that my ancestors were brutalized and exploited, but to nothing to show for it? It's like someone stuffed a shank in your arse and turned it sideways on you. Bollocks.
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Celebrity News! Simpletons rejoice!
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Sources tell TMZ the "responsible" people in Britney's life are trying to convince her to voluntarily enter a mental hospital.We're told there's now a consensus -- she'll never get custody of her kids unless she undergoes intensive, in-patient treatment for what appears to be a severe bipolar disorder. But we're told Spears is resisting and does not want to enter a hospital.And sources say that since her release from Cedars,
Brit has "pulled it together, at least on the surface." She is coherent and engaged, but will not voluntarily enter a mental facility -- at least for now.
It really is amazing to see how a woman who was once the biggest star in the country, who had millions waiting on her every word. Have had everyone turn against her when shes at her lowest. Not that I'm not one of them. I love to see this sort of thing happen, but I am convinced that America will not be satisfied until the day Britney Spears dies.
It is a wonder how anyone could be against abortion, when you look at the Spears family. If you want to envision a world without Abortion, imagine an entire country, packed to the gills with millions of retards like the Britney and Co. And that mother of hers should have had her legs soddered shut a long time ago. But no, now shes attempting to spread her wisdom in the form of the written word.
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2007, a year in review. photos and video.
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The Late Night Wrap up.
Whew, that was exhausting. Well lads and lasses, Its been a long day for yours truly. First day back from Winter Break, and I'm basically running on fumes. Off to bed I am, you see. I've a got thorough interrogation from Mr. Bortnick, and I think he just may tear me a new arsehole if I'm late to his class again. and god knows fuckin Douglas is going to laugh it up like a fuckin hyena, as some in that class just love to pile on, Cate Hefele, I am staring very hard in your general direction. So I need to wake up. Hopefully the pain in my feet, legs, arse and head will subside over the next couple of hours.
Until tomorrow, Chiao...
2 comments:
As someome who very well may be British, I find your headline for "Brit Overboard" misleading and offensive.
It should be changed posthaste.
Of course, you being could very well beat me into a bloody pulp. I will try and get on that ASAP.
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